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How to use Self-Love to create magnetizing confidence | Interview with Victoria Kleinsman

Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of The Elevate you with Rebekah Podcast. I am so excited because I have my very first guest of the podcast on today. And it is no coincidence that it is one of my best friends. My soul sister, we call each other cosmic copilots. We know we have met in other lifetimes and we are just so connected. And we met in a crazy way which only God could have made happen and so do we know we were meant to be in each other's lives. So in today's episode, Victoria Kleinsman is going to share with you guys how to use body confidence, self love, and food freedom to elevate your life in the areas of relationships, finances and more. You will want to stay tuned because we dive into all of the things she gives real tangible tips for you to use to show up more confidently in your life and with others in your relationships and with clients in sales settings in all of the things so you'll definitely want to stay tuned. Let's dive right in.

V: Hello, I'm back and I am so great. Thank you. How are you?

R: I'm amazing. I'm so excited that you're here. I feel better now that you are here too. Because every time I'm in your presence, it's just like the best ever. So I know our audience is going to feel that as well. Feel your energy throughout this conversation, and I can't wait for them to experience that. So I would love to start. Well, first, before we do that, you are my very first guest on the Elevate U with Rebekah Podcast.

R: Alright, so I want to do just a couple icebreaker questions so that our listeners can get to know you a little bit more. So I've got a few questions before we dive in. Is that alright with you?

V: I am ready. All right,

R: Let's do it. Okay, so what is your favorite food?

V: Chocolate?

R: Okay, what's your spirit animal?

V: An eagle. You know, I've always been obsessed with birds of prey even before I kind of learned about spirituality. And you know, even before I fell into personal development, and throughout my spiritual and personal development journey, whenever I've kind of asked for a sign, and I'm out walking. Honestly, Rebekah, it's so beautiful and divinely time. There's always a bird of prey. I mean, not like an American Eagle. Right? Well, I'm in the Netherlands, but I'm English. There's always a bird of prey that shows itself to me. Wow. So and I just love the eagle like that kind of bird of prey kind of the free but then the powerful. So yeah,

R: I got chills. So I love it. I love it. All right, what is your dream vacation?

V: My dream vacation is to go somewhere like Thailand that is on my bucket list. Because I want to do all the things I want to explore. Experience the culture and then maybe end with like a beach, relaxing, massages all the things. So yeah, I would say Thailand for maybe like three weeks?

R: Yes. Oh, you would have to go for like a long period of time. How long the flight? No, God. No, no. How long? Do you think the flight would be for you?

V: Oh, I don't know. You know, I'm really awful at geography maybe like 12 hours?

R: Yeah, yeah. See, I'm like a little afraid on the planes for that long for that long. But hopefully things will start opening up here soon and we'll be able to, we'll be able to go. Alright. What is your favorite quote?

V: Oh, now you put me on the spot because I have so many. Okay. My intuition has told me one straight away. And I know I've shared this with you before it's by Brene Brown. And she says why are we all hustling so hard for our worthiness when all we have to do is claim it? I say that again? Why are we all hustling so hard for our wordiness when all we have to do is claim it?

R: chills every time I love that quote the first time he told me that I was like just blown away. Like my job. My job just That's it like stop hustling for your worthiness. Okay last one. If you could have lunch with anyone living or past who would it be and why yes oh

V: oh my heart because listeners like it's probably obvious by now that mean Rebekah are like indeed soul sisters. We've never physically met in person we have met in many lifetimes before. And honestly, Rebekah I would absolutely love to meet you in person and have the deep conversations that we have every day you know without even recording a podcast when we just chatting. It's never just chatting.

R: Yeah, no, it isn't. We go away do I love that and I wasn't expecting that. And honestly the reason it I didn't expect it is because I literally feel like we've met like, you know, I just I know we have it. But as close as we are, it doesn't even like crossed my mind that we haven't physically met like you're so you just mean so much to me. And it's like how, you know we've never even met. So cool. Okay, well, thank you for doing that. I know I put you on the spot. But you had some amazing and I love that quote like literally live by that and so thank you for sharing that. All right. No, I am so excited to have you here. And this podcast is all about elevating right and getting to that Next Level in life. And so I would just love for our listeners to know a little bit more about you. So just tell us before we dive into how you help people elevate their lives. Tell us a little bit about you. Who are you? And how do you help people?

V: Absolutely. So I'm Victoria, my business name is Victoria Klansmen. I'm not married yet. So that will be my married surname. So you know, manifesting it already into reality. I'm engaged, I'm halfway there. So you'll know me everywhere as Victoria Klansmen. And I help high achieving women to heal their relationship with food and their bodies. And the reason I'm so passionate about what I do, and the reason that I dedicated my whole life to doing this is because I've been there. And now I'm like, through it and out the other side, and living in self love and body freedom and food freedom. Like I need to share this with women who are struggling, because you know, from experience in 20 years of negative body image, like I've been anorexic, and my fad binge eating disorder, all the things, you know, everyone has their own story. And I've tried everything. Like I if you name a diet, I've done it if you never, you know, and I can laugh about it. Now I've done everything. And all that happened from all these diets I was doing, I was learning how to hate myself more, I was learning how to lose self trust, because of course, when you promise yourself, you're gonna start a diet tomorrow, and you mean it with every single ounce of your being this time, it's gonna be different. And then you fail. Like, I mean, I used to be able to stick to diet for months, then it kind of went two weeks. And then it went two days. And Rebecca, I'm not joking. At the end, before I gave up. It was like, I couldn't even do it for like an hour. Wow, it was it was just I wanted to just surrender. I didn't know what to do next. So I hired a coach, and my coach, like change my life. But I've everything I've learned since then, I've like developed my own program into what I wish I had had, when I was at that point, like someone, please help me. So that's what I do.

R: So powerful. And I want to hear more about like, where you were in a second, but I know that you and I connected on such a deep level to because we both had this struggle. And I think that so many of us, you know, we feel like as women that we have to be perfect, and we can't share these kinds of things with the world, especially in you know, our our industry, right, where we're coaches are professionals, you know, people have these struggles that, you know, it's not talked about enough. And I think that the beauty is that, you know, social media, you know, is obviously very much a facade, and people can show the best of themselves. And so that's obviously contributed a lot to this problem. But I have seen a trend lately, which I'm really grateful for, where women are coming out and actually showing like, Hey, here's my body, not post, here's what I actually look like, here's the picture I didn't post. And I love that because it's like, takes off that pressure of feeling like we have to be perfect, you know, celebrities, all of these, you know, pictures that we see so often are just, you know, so perfect. And you feel like as much especially in this industry, the personal development space, when you're really working on yourself, it can get a little bit disheartening, because you spend a lot of time working on your growth and your development. And I know for me, as a result, I was so immersed in that, that I sort of let my my physical body go for a little while because I was so working on just, you know, healing and whatnot. And I know that they're intertwined, but you know, that's that's something that I've seen a lot. So what do you what do you see in the industry? And how do you how do you feel about that?

V: So I have a lot to say about this. The first thing I'm going to say it's actually only this morning, I had someone reach out to me and she sent me a screenshot from her phone of this woman from Instagram. And you know one of those apps where you can like make things smaller and then make like stretcher mom. This woman had very, very clearly done this like almost to the point where it didn't look like and like a normal physical body because it was so morphed into small waist big bomb. And this, this young lady said, you know how can I stop wanting to look like this person? And it broke my heart because she honestly had no clue. I mean, she's a younger girl like she's in her early 20s She had no clue that that wasn't even real. And I when I you To do fitness modeling and in the past when I was fully emerged in the, you know, weight loss and all the ABS and the fitness to the extreme that you know, I love fitness now, but it wasn't healthy, then I would go to these fitness modeling events like body power, it's called in England where, you know, you have a stand and you stand there like wearing not much at all, and you give out supplements and all these things. And the women that I saw there, they didn't even look like themselves on social media. Wow. And that was I mean, I never really even before my development journey, I never really used filters. I never use the image enhancing apps purely because of the reason if someone saw me in real life, because I was still very external orientated, then I wouldn't want them to think oh, God, she doesn't look anything like her social media. But these women didn't look anything like but it's so damaging. It is getting better. As you've shared and and again, like it melts my heart when I go on, like I was looking for laundry the other day, and it was called loungewear, the website, and I went on, and there was women of all shapes and sizes, with their strips Mark show and I brought from them purely because I was like, Oh my gosh, is an actual real women on here. Like, it's definitely getting a lot better. But my vision, I don't think I've ever shared this vision with you, Rebecca, actually, my vision for the world in the realm of body image isn't to even be body positive. That is a huge movement that is so so needed in this moment. However, imagine our bodies just being our bodies, without them being an image at all, you know, without us having to stand in not having to but at the moment, you know, women are being brave and putting themselves out there with the stretch marks and the rolls, which again, it's so needed. That's the first step for our world, I believe. But imagine just having a body and not having to like, be like, this is okay, because what we know already that we're okay. And it's just a body to experience life through. That's my vision

R: of that, I feel that so much. And it's so true. And we talk about this all the time. But we are, you know, we are spiritual cosmic beings in this physical body, and I do, I can't help but think that it's not a coincidence that, you know, our, the industry, and just the diet culture, and all of that is taking us away, just like a lot of these other things are taking us away from our true nature, which is the spiritual being that we are. So if we're so focused on this outer shell, right, that we aren't going to show up fully for our purpose and our Dharma and the reason that we're actually meant to be here. And I know for me, I have struggled with that a lot. You know, and I think that a lot of our listeners probably do as well. Just because this is this is rampant in you know, in a lot of women that I know who are absolutely beautiful, you can see them radiating with light, and love and positivity. And they're keeping themselves small, because they don't feel like they fit that mold or they don't feel like their body is perfect, or that their makeup looks but you know, all of these things. So what advice would you give for someone who is in that position where they're, you know, they're struggling with that?

V: Oh, gosh, absolutely. So I've got two questions. The first one is to you and to everybody listening. Who would you be without ever having the thought ever again of I need to lose weight? Just let that land for a moment like who would you be if the thought never crossed your mind? I need to lose weight like I know that seems so completely unreachable right now. But that's the first thing because if you imagine first of all a life without wanting to keep seeking this body or seeking this weight loss and of course the only reason we manipulate our food is because we want to change the way our body looks if our body this is a second question just to get you know the juices flowing with your thoughts. If your body everybody listening right now, if your body in this moment how she is today would never ever, ever change no matter what you didn't eat, what you ate, what exercise you did or didn't do. It never changed. How would you show up differently for your health and for yourself in your life? Like, I mean, again, just sit with that from it. Like for example, if your body would never change, would you honestly and I'm going to use the word chocolate because that was my thing and Would you honestly think you know what, all I would do is sit on the sofa all day and eat chocolate because my body's not going to change anyway, OT, you still have the feelings of how that would make you physically feel from a standpoint of digestion, energy, health, all of those things, the only thing is your body wouldn't physically change. So I guarantee you would start to take more care of yourself from a holistic perspective of intuitive living. So I don't teach Intuitive Eating specifically, it's something that I absolutely encourage. And why don't I teach it specifically only intuitive eating. And that is because when women have been dieting for so many years, we have diet related trauma. And I am using the word trauma because you know, trauma doesn't have to be extreme, you know, childhood abuse, trauma can be going to the swimming pool, when you was a child or a young adult, and someone pointing at you or pointing at somebody else, looking at their body, that's trauma for all of us. And so if we just start to come back to ourselves, intuitive eating with a diet brain doesn't work. So what I mean by that is intuitive eating is listening to your body, eating when you're physically hungry, and stopping when you're full. But what happens when, because we're human? What happens when as we're on this relationship to get to know ourselves and our body that we eat when we're not hungry? Just because we want to taste the brownie? What happens if we're distracted or emotional or for any other reason, because we eat past fullness, then our diet brain will think, oh, no, I've failed intuitive eating. So then I'll start intuitive eating again tomorrow. So our diet likes to make it into a diet, everything that it can be intuitive eating diet, the try not to binge eat diet, they don't emotionally eat diet, dieting is not an action, it's a state of mind. So towards the end of like, you know, when I work with clients, one to one or in a group coaching environment, towards the end of our work together, you will be making nutritious choices. From a non diet perspective, if health is a value of yours, it doesn't have to be because health is not a moral issue, either. So the answer to your question, I feel like I did go off on a little bit of a tangent away on the question. The advice of what I would give someone who was struggling with their body image, right was that their specific question would be to ask those two powerful questions that I asked you at the beginning. And then to do okay, I'm going to give you three tips. Number one is a mirror ritual. And this can be so uncomfortable, but nothing good happens outside of your inside of your comfort zone. So it's about pushing those boundaries of your comfort zone, but holding your own hand along, you know, whilst you're doing the thing, so bring self compassion into it always. So what I want you to do is set up a sacred environment. So if you have kids or whatever, like if you can lock the door or wait till they're in bed, so you feel safe, like in the environment that you're in, and go to a full length mirror, if you can start naked if that's too much for you, you know, even starting clothes or underwear, whatever you can feel you can master to start with. Dim the lighting, I used to put candles on, like some soft music and then stand in front of the mirror and start from the top of your head and go down to the bottom of your toes and send apology and love to every single part of your body that you have rejected in the past. And there'll be tears, you might think this is stupid. You know, I've been there. I used to think well, I'm not doing that. But my coach recommended it to me and of course I you know, I'd invested in myself I wanted to heal. So I was going to I trusted her I moved forward with like blind trust for her. And it worked. And so do that at least once a week to begin with. And there's something healing about spending time with yourself. You don't have to like what you see because that isn't going to happen. First thing, you know, we when we work together we start with body neutrality, body acceptance, and then body love and it will go in those stages. But you can't go from never wanting to look at yourself or picking yourself apart to Oh, I just absolutely loved my body like it you know, it is a bit of a stage a stage process you have to go through but number one would be that mirror ritual. Spending time with yourself sending apology and love and gratitude like for example my arms I used to have Hang up about my arms because I have big arms. And now I love the fact that I have big arms about my fiance comments all the time about my big arms, which is completely fine. And I used to really not like them. So when I started this ritual, I'd be like, Okay, I'm so sorry for like rejecting you and for covering you up in Long sleeves when it was really hard, and I just wanted to feel the sun on you. But I'm so grateful for you because you get to hug your loved ones. Like, imagine if you literally had no arms. Seriously, like, even if like, if you imagine you have no foot like you can't, it's crazy. We take who we are for granted. So it's just really helped to come back to gratitude. So that's that was that's the first tip. The second tip for body image. I've got loads, I'm just going to choose wisely. Number two is exposure therapy. It's been a no share, did this share this one with you before Rebecca is spending as much time naked as possible not not necessarily looking at yourself in the mirror, but just being naked, because what I used to do is have a shower like if Valtor came in, I would be so annoyed that he will be seeing me naked in the shower, how dare he I don't feel safe, I feel exposed. Because I was ashamed of my body. The second I'd get out the shower and like wrap a towel around me. If I was on the beach, I would like you know, quickly wrap it around me so no one saw me. So if we're constantly showing our bodies that we're ashamed of them, even in our own personal space with nobody there. What's that telling yourself because every cell of your being is listening all the time. And also, actions speak louder than words. So if you're covering and hiding yourself all the time, even if you're on your own, especially because you're on your own, your body's gonna contract and feel that there's something wrong with her. So just be with yourself naked, like I clean naked. In the summer when it's hot. I do yoga naked, I work out naked and just have a sports bar on I know, it sounds totally weird. But that really helps to build and continue to build a relationship with my body because I see her from all angles, like not necessarily in the mirror. But of course when you're sitting down and moving around, you just spend time with yourself.

R: You number three, it's going to come to me. Number three, okay, number three is that probably the most difficult one is we're talking about comfort zones. And I know Rebekah always talks about going outside of your comfort zone. That's how you elevate your life, right, is to connect with yourself and think of the most scariest thing that you would have to do in the realm of body image. So for example, when I was really struggling when I first started my journey, the worst case scenario for me would have been to like walk down a catwalk in underwear, which is probably what most people's nightmare would be. So yeah, so obviously, you're not going to just go and find a catwalk and do that. But if you connect with I mean, it might be something different to you listen, it might be something as simple as you know, wear a tight dress and go to a party, whatever that is to you figure out what the scariest thing for you is. And then how can you take a step towards doing that because again, don't forget, we're taking care of ourselves along the way, we're not just putting you in front of the bus so to speak, because the anxiety that you would feel would outweigh the growth you would receive from expanding yourself outside your comfort zone. So say for example, like mine was walking down a catwalk in in my underwear, they'll close this thing to that for me in my environment was going on holiday in a bikini without dieting before without doing a 12 week shred or whatever else I used to do before the holiday like I legit used to book a holiday countdown the amount of weeks work out how many pounds I could lose within each week. And then when I used to mess up, I used to like count the weeks again and then be like, right, if I'm even stricter, then I can lose the same amount of weight in a shorter amount of time completely takes over your life. So what I did is I booked a holiday I promised myself I'm just going to show up. I was scared as hell, by the way. Like this was not an easy thing for me at all. I got to holiday was freaking the eff out and I was like you know what, what would my highest self do right now. I'm choosing to step into food and body freedom. I'm at the start of my journey. I know I've got a bit of the way to go for knowing that I'm not going back to what I used to do, which basically cause me disordered eating low self esteem or I've been down that path I know exactly where that path leads to The best case scenario, that path would get me a smaller body. And then I've got to live in disordered eating and anxiety for the rest of my life. I don't choose that anymore. So I'm in the bikini in the in the hotel room, and I just connect to my higher self. And she's like, you would just go out and wear the bikini and just be. So I did that. And I took care of myself along the way. And the more you do the things that you think you can't do, when you do them, and nothing bad actually happens, your subconscious minds is kind of like, oh, no one died. I'm still here, that was actually not as bad as I thought. Because again, don't forget the fact the thought of the fear is worse than the fear itself, always. And we can sit in that fear. And we can sit in that anxiety. Whereas if we actually just do the thing, it's done. So my third tip is to connect with what you're scared of, what's the closest action you can take to get in towards that thing that you're scared of, without being xiety, overtaking the growth, you're going to experience and just keep doing that every day, every week, every month? And then before you know it? You will be living in body freedom? And then yes, you might have times where you know, a time hop photo will come off of your old body. And isn't this funny how that happens. And you see this photo from a year or two ago. And you think, oh my gosh, I would do anything to look like that. But at the time when the photo was taken, you thought you were fat, and you wanted to lose weight. And so that just is proof that it's all in the mind as well. So you might get triggered along the way we live in a fat phobic world's society is what it is culture is what it is, it is getting slowly better. But that's the reality of the world we live in. So what do you choose? Do you choose recovery? Do you choose freedom? Nature celebrates diversity man and Rebekah's body is although very similar in shape, or different. My body is completely different to my fiance's family. They're very, very small boned. And I used to joke that when I sat next to them, I think my legs like the size of their whole body.

R: And that's fine as well, because we are who we are. And once we show up as ourselves, exactly as we are in any moment. That's freedom.

V: To me, that's so good. Thank you, I'm just receiving that. And, yeah, I just I love that you brought up all of that. And thank you so much for sharing those tips. Because I know for me that I, you know, we've known each other for quite some time now. And we've talked about a lot of these things. And I've practiced these in my own life. And, you know, this, this shows up for us in so many different ways, where we lack that body competence, we lack that self love, you know, and I think that not many of us walk around saying things like, Oh, I just don't have any body positivity, or I don't just, I just don't have any self love. That's not how it shows up in our life. And the way it shows up in our life is not doing the live not showing up competently to the meeting, you know, most of the people that are attracted to my work are, you know, sales professionals and entrepreneurs, people who have to show up for other people. Right, and they need to do that competently. And so this shows up by us wanting to hide, like you said, wearing the long sleeves, you know, looking awkward in front of other people, because it's 90 degrees, and you have a long suit, I remember being that way too. And I love that you brought up, you know, the fact that a lot of times this can stem from, you know, childhood trauma. And that's exactly where it typically does, you know, knowing the research that I've done into the world of NLP and and looking at how our minds get programmed to this stuff. You know, it's extremely important to kind of recognize that and start to get curious about your life. Why is it that you're not showing up confidently? Why is it that you look back on, you know, like you said, a Timehop photo of you two years ago, and you wish that you were there, but you remember feeling fat in the picture, you know, and recognizing that it is all in the mind. And the fact that it's all in the mind is actually a good thing. That means that we can shift it that means we can transform it, and that we can change it right? And I think that that's that's where the hope lies, because we want to show up confidently and I believe the same thing that you said with that real freedom and having that ability to show up as who it is that you are, you know, each of us have our own energetic signature, right and there are people in this world that are going to advance their life and elevate their life as a result of us showing up as The highest version of us, right? And we're not going to be able to do that if we don't work through these, these things, right and have that body competence. And I remember what the first tip that you said about looking in the mirror, and I remember doing that, and, guys, just so you know, to I mean, you're not gonna get to see us because you're what this is a podcast, but we're gonna give you all Victoria's information. I mean, Victoria is to anyone that would look at her Instagram or look at any of her pictures. I mean, she's absolutely stunning. She's her body is ridiculous, like anybody, like I would like love to have her body. And she, you know, was scared to show up, right? So it's just, it goes to show you and you guys all probably know someone who's like that. I know, plenty of people, my eating disorder was, you know, kind of that was a familial thing. My mom had an eating disorder, she still struggles with some of that, you know, I have other family members, and thanks. So it's like, and it's interesting, because you'll look at people and be like, Wow, I can't believe she's not, you know, she feels that way about herself. Like, she's absolutely stunning. Other people would die to have her body, right? I mean, literally, they would do anything, you know, people pay hundreds of 1000s of dollars. And sometimes more than that, to look certain ways, you know, so I love that. Thank you for bringing all of that up, because I think it's extremely valuable, right,

V: of course. And what helps me as well is going from like, so if you're on this person development journey, and you're struggling with the body image, and you're wanting to move forward to body freedom, and you're struggling to do it for yourself, move from me into way. So when I was to you know, and I say towards the end of my recovery, recovery never stops. It's an ongoing journey. But when I was moving towards the end of my first bout of recovery, as I was starting to share this work with others, if I had like a body image trigger, I was doing it for you, who is listening right now, who needs me to share this message with the world. So it wasn't even about me anymore. And it used to show up in my life, like through intimacy through sex, so I would want the light off. And I'd want to wear something. So my body was covered and pretend I was pretending it was to be sexy when it wasn't, it was set to try and hide my stomach roll or whatever, right. And there's one really important thing I want to share about not just having a sexual intimacy, relationship bought with anyone that sees you in the world, your friends, your family, strangers, that people, when they look at you, they are not judging you for how you judge yourself. So so often, if we're so in our head, and we're constantly thinking, like mine was, oh, my gosh, my legs are so big. I just decide that everyone's looking at me thinking I've got big legs. But I'm only thinking that people are judging me because I'm judging that about myself. So in the bedroom, I'm deciding that, oh, he's gonna see this role, or I can't do this position because of this. And because of that, he's not even seeing any of that, because he sees me from his eyes. I see Rebecca from my eyes, and she sees me from her eyes. So whatever we think people are judging about us, they're actually not you're just judging it about yourself. They just have move forward with that freedom of even if it's so uncomfortable, even if you think he or she is judging this about me right now. Your thoughts are not facts, that is not the truth. So just come back to what do I choose to I choose to be anxious and worried about this, this and this and not really be living in the moment, whether it's during sex, whether it's during lying on the beach, in the sun, having fun with your friends, it's you always always have a choice a what do you choose?

R: Hmm. I love that. That's so powerful. And it really is about a choice. And it really is wanting to and I love that you brought up in the world in the world of NLP, we talked about how projection is perception. And so other people are, you know, you're just other people are projecting their own limitations, their own thoughts, their own judgments, their own distortions onto you. And then we're also doing that on to other people, just like you just said, and, you know, this can show up in many different ways where, you know, when it comes to especially like in business, you know, if you're trying to like let's say, you're working on closing a sale, or you're looking on, you know, signing a new client or something like that, if you have limitations and yourself that you have not reframed, you're not going to be able to reframe those and other people, right. So this can this can actually go into many different, many different directions. And so if you think that, you know, you're like let's say you have Have some underlying belief that you're not, you're not good enough. And so you're not good enough, you can't show up in the bikini, but you also aren't going to be able to show up in the meeting, right? Because you're not going to show up as good enough, or you're not going to show up as worthy, or you're not going to show up, as you know, being able to be safe in your own body. So it's very interesting how these things connect. And the more that you can develop that ability to know to like, and to trust yourself. There's so much freedom on the other side of that, right. And that's what it means to elevate your life. Because, realistically, I believe that we were born as highly vibrational elevated beings, you know, we were made in the image of God, the universe, whatever your beliefs are, right? So we were born with no limits, we didn't have these thoughts, you know, so when we were born, I mean, you see kids running around naked, they're not self conscious. Are you kidding me, I have a 15 year old, she did not care about what anybody thought about her running around in a diaper, taken her diaper off, because it was annoying and throw it aside like kids do not care. They don't write, it's when we pick up these traumatic experiences, these negative emotions, these limiting beliefs, this baggage that we talked about, as you know, we go through life. And it's not till typically about seven or eight, where we develop what's called that critical faculty in our mind where we can start to analyze things. And that's where when you go to the pool, if you go to the pool as a two year old and someone says, oh, you're a little chubby belly, you're not going to take that as a big deal. Because Oh, okay, I do have a cute little chubby belly, no big deal. But when you're 789, and someone says, oh, you know, you're looking a little chubby in that bathing suit. That's where we begin to accept that as our reality, right? So we know that something happens. And then the meaning that we assigned to it is what stays with us. So it's really important. So if somebody did have that belief, where maybe they adopted that at some point, and they were at the pool, you know, or like something happened in their life where somebody commented, and they made it mean something about themselves or their body or that it isn't safe to show up. It's not safe to be me, it's crazy. The beliefs that we will adopt simply by one traumatic thing that happens as a child, right? I mean, it literally shows up, you and I have done this deep, deep, deep internal work. And it's like, oh, my god, I can't believe I made that decision that I am unworthy, or it's not safe to be seen, because of something that happened when I was five. I literally can't believe that, that, you know that that stems from that, but but most of the time it does. And once we do that internal work, that's where we find that. But if someone had that belief, like let's say that, you know, it's not safe to be seen, or, you know, one of these things where someone had come up and commented on their body, and now they feel like that shame still is there. What would you recommend doing to help them to overcome that belief so that they can show up in the world confidently, they can show up as themselves? Because I know you've been able to do it, like you went from literally what you just were explaining to us to now guys, if you watch her, I mean, she radiates like, like, it's crazy, the amount of confidence that you exude. And I know you're still a work in progress, because we all are, but looking at you, you would never be able to see that you struggled with these things. So it's clear that you've been able to overcome them.

V: Thank you, Rebecca. And yeah, just quickly, before I go into that, the only reason I'm showing up so confidently, is because I stopped giving a Can I swear. Of course, you can stop giving a shit what people thought of me. When I started my videos, I'd be like, Oh, I don't like that my skin looks so I mean, I stopped thinking about the me. And I turned to the way so I show walk as I am I get words wrong. I say sentences wrong. Like I don't care about how I deliver it, as long as I'm giving it from my heart, my soul. And it's understandable for the for you that's listening. So the only reason I am confident is because I don't care how people see me anymore. However, as Rebecca just said, Oh my gosh, the amount of and this isn't just for me, this is with the women I work with maybe the listener listening now. It's not just one traumatic event in the realm of body image. It's so many through a hundreds and 1000s of traumatic events throughout our lives. And then we sit and wonder as an adult like why we don't feel confident about ourselves. So I will absolutely go into how I deal with that. But the two things that stuck out for me it's so interesting, Rebecca, that you just brought that up about the age like six to seven, because the first traumatic event I remember, I was trying on this seemed to be a theme of swimsuits in this in this conversation, I was, I was trying on swimsuits with my mom and my auntie. And I used to do this thing when I was a kid. So I used to, like, blow my belly out, like as far as I could to see how big I could get my belly. And I used to find that so fun and fascinating. And I remember being like, Mom, Mom, look at this, and I blew my belly out. Like, really, like I was trying to look like Winnie the Pooh, that's what I was trying to do. She said to me, and you know, of course, I'm never blaming my mom, she took it. As I was saying something else like she took, she decided that I wasn't happy with how my tummy was sticking out. And so at like six years old, she said, Oh, you need to stop eating so many sweets, and if that bothers you, and then I remember turning to the mirror. And I was so confused, the little Mia was like, oh, and I just My heart breaks for her because she was so confused. And she didn't know what that meant. And that was the moment when I decided I need to change my body in order to get the love from my mom. I mean, of course, our child brain, this is why inner child work is what I do with my clients. I'm not a licensed therapist. But from the work I've done through my coaching certification. And through myself, we actually go back and do a lot of inner child work around situations like I've just described, because the six year old me made up the story to protect myself because it's all coming from love from a protective mechanism that we have, okay, in order to be loved, I need to like make my tummy smaller than and then the next thing that happened, when I was I think nine, my grandma said to me, your legs are like tree trunks. And then I was like, oh, maybe there's something wrong with my legs, then. And then, you know, each little thing over and over again. And of course, every time something happens, as Rebecca said, our little brain makes a story up around that to protect ourselves. So then you decide in less, I'm small, I'm not worthy. And whatever it is that you decide, you know, it's all to protect yourself. So what I would recommend from that is, number one, have a release session with Rebecca.

Because I've had this around money, and let me tell you, it is never been the same again, in such a positive way. So have a release work with Rebecca and being serious around this, because Rebecca is an expert in actually releasing these emotions around these situations. And but it's inner child work and going back to those times, and given yourself, the love the acceptance that you needed, when that was happening when you were a child. And then you can re re write, I can't say my eyes when I say rewrite, then you can story. And you know, it's going to be uncomfortable, because you've told this story, this limiting story, the limiting beliefs. for however many years, our brain is physically it's on a, it's on a physical level as well, our brain is physically wired to, for example, look in the mirror and think I can't wear that I look fat in this, it automatically goes to that because that's what it's done for however many years. So with the release, work, the compassion and self love the inner child work, that we framing your thoughts to positive ones. And again, with body image, I start with neutrality. Because if you're standing in front of the mirror with the affirmations, like, I am beautiful, and you're like, I absolutely do not believe that at all. So this is stupid. It's not going to work. So we start with there's a wheel of emotion. And that's from Abraham Hicks. I know you've heard of that disparate identity, Rebecca. And that's it. That's a great exercise you can do. So what you do is you draw a circle on the page, and then you make it look like a clock face. So you've got like six or 12 however many you want to do like little segments, almost like a pie. Let's go with food. Let's let's use the panel. And let's say for example, you look in the mirror and the most common thought that comes up for you is I look horrible. So you'd write that at the top of your page so I look horrible. And then the most opposite thought to I look horrible, but you would want to believe would be let's say for example, I look amazing, then you'd write that at the bottom of the page. However, as I just shared there's no God standing in the mirror saying I look amazing when you don't believe it in the slightest. There's too much resistance against your belief system. And so the manifestation babe she calls it the bridging bridging beliefs or something like that. So all of us in this in in this realm use this I use it this way with body image, then what you would do in your six or 12 segments of the pie, you would start off with a completely neutral. Thought, for example, I have a body and you'd look at the mirror, and you'd think can I believe that I have a body? Yes. i It's a fact I have a body so that I believe that. Okay, good. The next segment of the pie, what can you say? Or think to yourself, that's either the same or a little bit more on the high vibrational scale. That's a bit further on, then I have a body so maybe my body is healthy. Do I believe that check in with your belief system? Yeah, I believe that. And what we're doing here, as you can imagine, we're going around the circle, we're getting as close to I look amazing as possible, but it's still in the realm of possibility for you. So it might the last thought that you write down might only be something like, I look okay. Right. So yes, you're not amazing yet bought the law of attraction. I think it's 17 seconds. If you spend 17 seconds on one thought, like I have a body, you will attract by the law of attraction, a same or higher vibrational thought to go around that wheel. And so the more you do this, the higher vibrational you're been. And of course, we all know, whatever we focus on, we get more of so if you've gone from I look horrible to a look. Okay, that's better. That's a start. And then from I look, okay, where are you then going to get to so it's all about, you know, pushing your belief system bought, it's got to be in the realm of possibility. Like when Rebecca was doing money work with me, if I said to Rebecca, I'm going to earn 150,000 This this year, when I first started with Rebecca, I wouldn't have, it's too far away for me. So then I chose, I think it was 50. And when we get to the end of the year, that's what it's gonna be. I'm already on well on the way to there. But that fell out of my comfort zone, but kind of like, exciting in the realm can it work, can it not like that kind of nervous excitement was there, so then you'd and then of course, when this happens this year, my next year will be bigger and better, because I can believe that that can come true for me. So it can take time, but you'll be surprised at how quickly things can change and things can happen.

R: Hmm, I love that. Yeah. And I think Catherine calls with the ladder of believability, where you're building on it, and it is so true, because you are like, it's interesting and and I love that you talk about the the release work and the inner child work. And, you know, some of these things are not necessarily easy. And you know, it's one of the, that's why most people are walking around on healed, and not able to show up as their full and authentic selves, right, living their dharma, living their purpose, because most people aren't willing to do the inner work. But we know if you're here, listening to these episodes, that you that means that you are willing to do that work, because you wouldn't be listening to a podcast or elevating your life and raising your vibration if you weren't interested in doing what it takes to get there. And so we I appreciate you so much. I mean, this conversation has been so wonderful. And I know that our listeners are going to find so much value in this because this applies to everything that we do, whether it's wanting to show up and you know, make better connections with your audience or make better connections with your clients or your friends or your your husband or wife, you know, whatever it is your family, it doesn't really matter. This is vital, right? And working on that self love working on being able to show up competently. I mean, I know for me, if there are other mothers or fathers who are listening like this, that that's what struck me was I know that I picked up a lot of my beliefs from watching my mom, and she's amazing. Again, like you said, there's no blame here and there never will be I love my mom. She didn't. She didn't mean to pass any of that she was going through her own stuff. And so, but I remember like, at one point, recognizing Holy shit, I'm going to be passing these things on to my daughter if I don't change, right, and it wasn't actually until later in her life, that I started down the personal development journey. So I actually had some unwinding and release work that I needed to do with her thank God I, you know, have the ability to utilize the modalities that I do because my daughter is like, extremely woke. And she's extremely far beyond her years now. She always has been but there's a literal, deeper level when you start to go into this stuff and release because it's so funny when you even hear her talking about her friends and people her age versus and then she's analyzing the situation and giving feedback as to Do you know what she would do in this scenario, and I'm like most adults don't even speak like that. So this work is extremely, extremely powerful. It really is. And I am so thankful that you were able to share your love your light your wisdom with our listeners, because I know they found a lot of value, just like I did. I learned something every time we talk. And I appreciate you so much for that. So I'd love to just kind of wrap it up. But before we do that, I want to just ask, so if anyone is interested in your work wanting to learn more from you, where do you hang out most? Where can they find you? And just give us a little bit of information around that?

V: Yeah, for sure. First of all, I'm celebrating each and every one of you who is listening today for showing up for doing the work. So I just want to just give my love and celebration to you first and foremost. And I'm on Instagram and Facebook as Victoria Klansmen. And the way you spell clients, but I'm sure Rebekah will then get everything down. But it's it's not I before a it's easy before I in a way you spell clients, then my website is Victoria klansmen.com. And as you can probably tell Rebecca and I love to connect. So if you have any questions, or you just want to say hi, I go and see my DMs personally. So I will always reply usually with a voice note. So you'll get a reply from me and Rebecca, I think I feel that we should if listeners are loving this for them to screenshot it, and share it on their story with hashtag I love me as in not me as in themselves when they're writing. I love me. So what do you think about that show?

R: I love that. Yeah, I love that. Take a screenshot and tag us both. So Victoria clients added at Rebekah Kiger and definitely make sure that you know you're you're putting that hashtag I love that I love me because realistically, if you don't love you, then you know how can we expect other people to love you? Right? It's just it's just the way that it works. And so I love that working on building your, your your know, like and trust of yourself is so so vital and getting ahead and raising your vibration. And that's what we're here for right is to raise the vibration of the collective, to let go of all of those things that have been holding us back our whole lives. And I know Victoria and I are so passionate about that. We do it in different capacities as you can see, but the mission is still the same. We want to help you return to your truest self. You're the elevated version of you that you were meant to be from the very beginning that you know is there, and that there are things in the way right now but we are here to help. So thank you so much for tuning into this episode. Thank you again, Victoria, for joining us and I can't wait to hear you guys feedback. And until next time, we'll talk to you soon. Bye bye

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